The Dynasties - summarized around a toothache

My social butterfly activities were cut short by colds this week, and I'm muttering under my breath but accepting the fact that I just don't have it in me to break nights like I used to (Yeah, you like how I implied that I had a social life before this, right?). Instead of just saying "I'm getting old" and laughing it off as a joke, let me firmly remind myself that I'm extremely unfit. *Cough.* I keep staring at the tub of vitamins on my workdesk and forgetting to take them (except now, *swigs water*). I have to get over my phobia of pills, especially of giant putrid pills that can turn your urine day-Glo. Apparently the green means it's working. Delicious.

I've officially quit smoking. I wanted to wait until I was absolutely sure before I declared it. I haven't had the urge to smoke in ages, so I'm comfortable with calling it truth now. I've buckled here and there, but my few pulls were retaliated with nausea so I'm way turned off (although I'm still curious as to why drinking alcohol makes the throat grow fonder). I don't miss it, though the smell of it still brings back soft, yummy memories. Let's hope this decision continues on through the summer, I can't remember the last time I've relaxed in the sun without a cigarette planted in my hand. It's been damn near a decade since I've started, and old habits die hard dontcha kno.

I will finally talk to Tribe. I don't know what I'm going to say, I just know that there are a lot of things that need to be said. I should start from the beginning, Lord give me strength. I'm still finding it very hard to open up to people I care about.

This might be a chapter closing. If it is, you might not hear about him ever again. I still go into autopilot when it comes to matters of heartache, and it will bury itself in order to cool down.

I hope Providence doesn't prove to be as passive as he is coming off as. I do not want to take complete reign in any relationship. However, this will be a good opportunity to learn how to take ANY lead. He did say he was extremely patient. And my, so handsome. I still enjoy spending time with him. His respectfulness throws me off guard still. I keep translating it as worry.

Ever since I went to the dentist, my teeth have been giving me problems. I have the only raging toothache right now; it's turning the right side of my vision dull and I cannot focus on a damn thing. I have so much work to be done on my mouth, my fault for letting it get to that point. Dag.

I just got over the flu, my second ailment this month. Damn, I get sick a LOT. My immune system is a piece of shit. I need to start exercising. Of course, I don't get the ball rolling until it is already way too far downhill. I aggravate myself too.

Thank God for health insurance. *Kisses cards all over*.. it's been so long since I had you. Welcome back into my life. I won't take you for granted ever again, I promise. My, your coat looks shiny. Blue is a good color on you. You take such good care of me. I truly do not know what I have until it's gone. I'm so glad you're here, and I will love you and use you until the day you leave again.

My chest just went numb. What the fuck does that mean? Can chests fall asleep? *Stretches and rubs breastbone*

I should go back to work. So much to be done. But I'm so tired.

Love.